Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
