My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
