So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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