I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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