I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This can only be settled by a dance off.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
