I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
