I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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