bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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