Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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