Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
