no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
