batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think i got beer on your cat.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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