the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
