You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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