Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
