it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
