I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
