at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
