haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
