I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
