she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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