Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
