I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
