No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
