And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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