he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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