I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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