Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
