What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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