Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
