why do cheetos always look like penises
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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