know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
