so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
