I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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