I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
