Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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