last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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