Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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