I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
