I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
