No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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