we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
