My sheets look like a crime scene.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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