Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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