What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
