Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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