2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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