We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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