naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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