I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
