I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
