When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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