It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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