they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
