Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
