We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
