Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
