He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize