I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
