I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
