my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
