So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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