I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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