two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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