I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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