We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
