Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
