By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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