I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
