I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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