So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
