i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
