I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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