I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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