Apparently you make a good broom.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
