Are we in a gay sports bar?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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