You really coming over, don't trick.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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