...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
