the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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