I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
