You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
