best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
