what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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